For the Dogs
To My Dearest Puppies:
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print design are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note: Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Nor does tripping me help because I can fall down faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping--they can actually curl up in a ball.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I used to enter. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years; canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is:
1. Kiss me
2. Smell the other dog's butt.
I cannot stress this enough.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (that's why they call it "fur" niture).
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me, it's an adopted son or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
With love,
The Human
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print design are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note: Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Nor does tripping me help because I can fall down faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping--they can actually curl up in a ball.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I used to enter. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years; canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is:
1. Kiss me
2. Smell the other dog's butt.
I cannot stress this enough.
To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (that's why they call it "fur" niture).
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me, it's an adopted son or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
With love,
The Human
posted by Kim at
2:19 PM
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15 Comments:
This is going down as one of the funniest effing posts I have ever read!
Woof! Woof!
Oh you know how I'm loving this one.
Very Cute!
Man, I get that email a few times a year and honestly... that's not enough. love it.
Love it Kim!! I love the one about sleeping on the bed. We have a King size too and I can't for the life of me figure out why an 8 lb dog takes up half the bed?????
~Hugs
Ha Ha! That is hilarious! I have two dogs too, and I swear they think they're the owners and I'm the pet. My fault entirely, I'm sure. But so funny!
That's cute! Beau's in charge here, that's for sure!
Tiffany
Thanks for the laugh this morning Kim. We have three dogs and the little 5 pounder is the biggest bed hog I've ever seen!!
That was too funny!!!!
LOVE the stairs and bathroom part, just so true.
I laugh everytime I see this, esp. the bathroom comment! Why can a perfectly sleeping dog all of a sudden not rest once the bathroom door closes? :)
LOVE IT!!
Pavel has started sleeping perpendicular and its driving me insane!
how is it that it's all true..every freakin word :)
Ha Ha!
Okay Kim I love this post. I love my dog he was our first baby. He does what he wants when he wants. Lately he doesn't even listen just like my children. He's the King!!
Thanks for your comment on my blog. It was very thoughtful and kind.
SO much fun!!!! I am there with all that FUR baby stuff with Mesa!!!
Lisa
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