Minor Set-Back - Updated
Things were going along swimmingly. I had the whole infertility thing licked...or so I thought. I just got off the phone with my brother, when he reluctantly told me that so-and-so, who has been married less than a year,is pregnant. From out of no where, the flood-gates opened and a little relapse took place. Why is it so easy for most people and it's something that I just can't seem to master? I just don't get it. But, I won't go back to that bitter place. "God Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts keeps playing in my head. If it weren't for all the heart-ache, we wouldn't be on this journey to our daughter. Destiny.
Is this melt-down really about pregnancy? I think not. After all, I'm 100% sure that our child is in China and I wouldn't have it any other way. This is most likely about the fact that we could be receiving "the call" from our agency at anytime now, and I'm wanting her so badly I can't stand it. We're 'this' close. Would this bit of news have mattered at all if I had our daughter's picture in my hands? Absolutely not.
Dammit. I hate this. After countless years of waiting, I want my child.
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Just in case you're wondering how we could be expecting "the call" any time now with a LID of 12/5/05 - we're on CCAI's list for a Waiting Child! Okay, you all can stop thinking that I've flipped my lid now...
Is this melt-down really about pregnancy? I think not. After all, I'm 100% sure that our child is in China and I wouldn't have it any other way. This is most likely about the fact that we could be receiving "the call" from our agency at anytime now, and I'm wanting her so badly I can't stand it. We're 'this' close. Would this bit of news have mattered at all if I had our daughter's picture in my hands? Absolutely not.
Dammit. I hate this. After countless years of waiting, I want my child.
**********
Just in case you're wondering how we could be expecting "the call" any time now with a LID of 12/5/05 - we're on CCAI's list for a Waiting Child! Okay, you all can stop thinking that I've flipped my lid now...
posted by Kim at
5:55 PM
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12 Comments:
I cannot possibly identify with your feelings of infertility, so I certainly won't try. I am though glad that you, myself and all the other people out have been blessed with this journey (albeit a long one) to adopting our childen.
I feel the same way, Kim. I look back now and remember all the times that I questioned God about why I couldn't have a child when I could look around and see terrible parents to their children. I have to admit I was VERY angry with God. I can see now that God was preparing Ben and I to be Delaynee's parents. She was meant to be our daughter all along and I am so thankful to parent her, even though at times it is the hardest thing, but the most rewarding thing. I'm happy that I was able to get to this place and I think your well on your way too. It just takes time to work through all the emotions.
I can't wait to see the day when I log on to your site and see Grace's beautiful face staring back at me. What a beautiful day that will be -- we will all rejoice with you.
Hang in there!!!
Love ya -
Tonia
Oh I totally get what you're feeling I think. The teenage cousin that got knocked up messing around with a kid who wasn't her boyfriend hit me pretty hard. You're not alone and soon a little girl named Grace will take up too much of your time for you to think about all this crap.
Kim,
I cannot say I totally understand because I don't. I do empathise with you though. Just remember that little Grace is out there waiting for you at this very moment. My prayers are with your for a peaceful heart!
Hang in there Kim! These things are HARD. The blues just sneak up out of nowhere for me right in the middle of thinking I'm fine about everything. I think we're all under a magnifying glass right now too with all the extra stress of the uncertainty.
I think the same thing to myself all the time. Why can't I get past this? Why does this still bother me? I know where my child is. I know she will not be coming from my womb, and yet still the dissapointment when I hear an announcement. I don't think there is a clear answer to those questions. I'm starting to realize these are just normal feelings that go along with the pain of infertility, and it is O.K. to feel them, as long as I don't spend too much time there and wallow in it. I know all of this pain will diassapear when we see our daughter's faces for the first time. I know it. Sending good thoughts your way!
I hear ya! I told my best friend how hard we were trying to concieve and all the procedures we were going threw and I was devastated when my best friend who has a son 14 told me two months later that she was expecting! I love Spencer who was born in Feb. But it just hurt when I asked her if they were trying and she said no. I told her when she was about 7 months preg. that we were adopting and she was very happy for us, I don't begrudge anyone getting pregnant.......I just hate it when they feel weird about telling me! I feel A higher power knows who is supposed to parent these wonderful babies and I feel honored that He picked me and my husband. We felt totally led to this journey.
Keep your chin up chick this is an Honor for you too.
*HUGS*
That's WONDERFUL news Kim!!! I can't wait to hear all about her and to see her precious face. Now I'll be checking your blog every few hours, LOL!!!
~Hugs
Tonia
Hang in there!
I told you that those feelings catch you when you least expect them!
It's loss - my mom is so amazing and made me think about how our children's feelings at one point or another - they too will feel loss and those emotions will creep up on them too :( The idea makes me sad, but deep inside I will know what that feeling of loss feels like and all I will be able to do is be there for her.
You have a huge cheering section and we are all here for you!
Gen xoxo
I am really hoping hard that you will get that call very soon! It's exciting, just knowing that any day could be "the day"...!!!
Hang tight...she's on her way. At least you know it will happen..just not sure exactly when.
Crikey!! Were you always going to get a waiting child and I missed it? I was really hoping we would get our referrals at the same time. (how selfish of me, you are having a yucky day and i'm thinking about meeting you!) Hang in there. I really do hope you get the call any day now. It would be so great for you guys! you've waited so long now. Here's hoping the call comes quickly!
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