Confessions of an Adoptive Parent
I've been thinking about being a parent a lot lately and I've got to admit, I'm scared. I don't know if these feelings are more common in those on the verge of adopting, or if parents that birth their children have these feelings as well. We have entered into this whole scenerio willingly and I feel like a bad mother in admitting my feelings. Please, don't scold me if my feelings are out in left field somewhere.
For so many years and while most of my peers that are my age have been raising their children, I have been living such a selfish life. Not selfish in that I only care about myself and no one else, but selfish in that I have no one other than our dogs who are dependent on me, therefore Tom and I can do whatever we want. I have begged, pleaded and prayed to God to be a mother and now that I'm well on my way to motherhood, I am thinking of things I never really thought of before. Like last weekend, for example. I was feeling under the weather and had the luxury of resting the entire weekend. I had to take care of no one but myself. As I was laying in bed, I had this epiphany: how on earth am I going to be sick and be a mother at the same time? Also, I hear about people who only get a few hours of sleep a night after becoming parents. How in the world will I be able to be a mother and work on such little sleep?
Speaking of work, I'm also feeling guilty that I'm going to have to go back to work after adopting Grace. I feel I owe it to her to be there with her after we've brought her into our home after totally disrupting her life. I can't bring myself to think of what it's going to be like to have to leave her for the first time. It's too heart-breaking to contemplate. Then again, I don't know who I feel sorrier for...me or her. On the other hand, if I don't go back to work, I won't be able to give her everything she deserves. It's a double-ended sword.
Someone, please tell me these thoughts and feelings are normal. I'm worried that I'm some kind of degenerate-mother-wanna-be.
For so many years and while most of my peers that are my age have been raising their children, I have been living such a selfish life. Not selfish in that I only care about myself and no one else, but selfish in that I have no one other than our dogs who are dependent on me, therefore Tom and I can do whatever we want. I have begged, pleaded and prayed to God to be a mother and now that I'm well on my way to motherhood, I am thinking of things I never really thought of before. Like last weekend, for example. I was feeling under the weather and had the luxury of resting the entire weekend. I had to take care of no one but myself. As I was laying in bed, I had this epiphany: how on earth am I going to be sick and be a mother at the same time? Also, I hear about people who only get a few hours of sleep a night after becoming parents. How in the world will I be able to be a mother and work on such little sleep?
Speaking of work, I'm also feeling guilty that I'm going to have to go back to work after adopting Grace. I feel I owe it to her to be there with her after we've brought her into our home after totally disrupting her life. I can't bring myself to think of what it's going to be like to have to leave her for the first time. It's too heart-breaking to contemplate. Then again, I don't know who I feel sorrier for...me or her. On the other hand, if I don't go back to work, I won't be able to give her everything she deserves. It's a double-ended sword.
Someone, please tell me these thoughts and feelings are normal. I'm worried that I'm some kind of degenerate-mother-wanna-be.
posted by Kim at
4:17 PM
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5 Comments:
Dear Degenerate Mother Wanna Be, I'm right there with ya. As a matter of fact we just had this conversation LAST NIGHT. I am so freaking independent and so used to taking care of just myself and my dogs that I'm gonna be in for a rude awakening. If you figure out the answers, hook a sister up!
These thoughts are totally normal! Had them when I was pregnant and now I'm having them with the adoption. My life with 1 child is relatively easy, what will it be like with 2?????
I think anxiety is part of the process.
Hey Momma-to-be,
Your (HONEST) thoughts are thoughts we've gone through in our heads. The one thing about taking care of yourself vs someone new, your cavewoman genes will kick in and you'll do anything for your little girl. The idea of daycare vs SAHM is something I've thought of. But you know what? She was raised in an orphanage and she enjoys the interaction of other little bodies each day. That's how I get past some of my pangs of guilt.
I certainly don't have the answers, just some opinions of support.
Hey Kim -
You are TOTALLY normal in your feelings. I had the same feelings and to be honest -- I question myself now as a mother. We've been home with Delaynee a little over two years now, but I still question myself as a parent, and I think I always will. Sometimes, I feel like I'm on the right track, but there are other times when I am parenting her, that I wonder, "Am I doing it the right way?" Just know that you WILL find what works for you and what works for Grace and even though you won't always be perfect - you will do your best! You are going to be just fine! Your friends will always be around to help encourage you!!!
Hugs -
Tonia
Hey girl! I know I am a bit behind on your posts ( just found you site!) but this is soooo normal. I have two bio girls and felt the same way before both were born. How can I take care of a baby? We cant just go to the movies any more..and with the second, how in the world can I do 2, and now I am on the third wondering how in the world am I going to do THREE! BUT I LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT!
Shannon
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