Stress and Random Thoughts
All of my adoption friends can attest to the fact that the entire adoption process is stressful. I'm feeling this stress now more than I ever did during the paperchase. My hair is falling out, I'm getting stomach and head aches frequently, and I can't go to the bathroom (sorry...TMI maybe?).
I'm trying not to focus on the fact that we're not DTC yet. I'm trying not to think about the increased length of time from LID to referral. The key word is "trying". It doesn't work all the time. So, I'm trying to keep busy so I don't think about these things obsessively. I purchased a book on how to make a Lifebook for Grace and I've been reading that. Also, last week we purchased the materials to make her scrapbook of Good Wishes for her quilt and I'm goint to start working on that tonight. I've also been planning a lot for the holidays. I find myself reaching for things that comfort me, like movies I've seen a hundred times and thoughts and memories of my mother.
The other day I received a piece of fabric for Grace's quilt from my Aunt Connie, who is my mother's sister. She sent me a handkerchief that my late Grandmother began embroidering and didn't finish before she died. Aunt Connie finished the embroidery and gave it to Grace. Not only is that special, but her note was special as well. She said that my mother would be so proud (of Grace's adoption) and she was right. My mother got cheated out of never having Grandchildren, and I must say, my children got cheated out of having her for a Grandmother. After almost 16 years, I still miss her so badly. I had so much unfinished business with her as I was only 19 when she died. She was such a special person and I failed to realize that back then, but I do now. My goal is to be half the mother that she was to me and to pass on some of her legacy to my daughter.
Sorry, I got side-tracked here. Suffice it to say that adoption is harder than I ever anticipated and I've even had the nerve to question if we made the right decision. The answer is yes, we did. All of this stress won't matter at all the day they place Gracie in my arms.
I'm trying not to focus on the fact that we're not DTC yet. I'm trying not to think about the increased length of time from LID to referral. The key word is "trying". It doesn't work all the time. So, I'm trying to keep busy so I don't think about these things obsessively. I purchased a book on how to make a Lifebook for Grace and I've been reading that. Also, last week we purchased the materials to make her scrapbook of Good Wishes for her quilt and I'm goint to start working on that tonight. I've also been planning a lot for the holidays. I find myself reaching for things that comfort me, like movies I've seen a hundred times and thoughts and memories of my mother.
The other day I received a piece of fabric for Grace's quilt from my Aunt Connie, who is my mother's sister. She sent me a handkerchief that my late Grandmother began embroidering and didn't finish before she died. Aunt Connie finished the embroidery and gave it to Grace. Not only is that special, but her note was special as well. She said that my mother would be so proud (of Grace's adoption) and she was right. My mother got cheated out of never having Grandchildren, and I must say, my children got cheated out of having her for a Grandmother. After almost 16 years, I still miss her so badly. I had so much unfinished business with her as I was only 19 when she died. She was such a special person and I failed to realize that back then, but I do now. My goal is to be half the mother that she was to me and to pass on some of her legacy to my daughter.
Sorry, I got side-tracked here. Suffice it to say that adoption is harder than I ever anticipated and I've even had the nerve to question if we made the right decision. The answer is yes, we did. All of this stress won't matter at all the day they place Gracie in my arms.
posted by Kim at
6:15 PM
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5 Comments:
Dang, you blindsided me with that sentimental post there. Your mom would be proud! Not only of Grace, but of you. You are great!
I swear, sometimes I think you're reading my thoughts. I'm starting Lily's scrapbook and concentrating on the holidays to distract me too. So tell me, the book on making a Lifebook.... is it worthwhile? Anything I need to know?
Hi Jac-
Thank you for your kind words. Right back at ya!
Let me read the Lifebook book a little further and then I'll let you know if I think it's worthwhile.
Wow what a great gift from your Aunt Connie! That is so special.
Yes the whole adoption process can be very stressful. It has its ups and downs for sure! As someone who has been there before I will tell you it IS all worth it when they place your daughter in your arms!
Jacquie, I have a book about making a lifebook by Beth O'Malley and when I finally get around to doing one I think it will be VERY helpful.
Eileen and Jacquie-
I also have the book by Beth O'Malley, and after reading it some more tonight, I definitely think it will be helpful when I begin Grace's book.
I'm in the same boat as you are! And it is stressing me out, even though I'm "trying" not to be stressed. I'm hoping the holidays will take my mind off of adoption stuff - for awhile anyway!
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