Am I Really Going to be a Mom?

I am sitting in a room in our house that is filled with things for a baby. As I look around me, I see crib bedding, toys, a partially assembled armoire, and a rocking chair that belonged to my husband when he was a child. I remember spending months collecting paperwork and having my life scrutinized in order to be approved to be a parent. A binder on the desk I'm sitting at holds a copy of our Dossier. So why don't I feel like I'm going to be a Mother?

I don't have morning sickness, I can't see my belly growing, and no one is asking when I'm due. I haven't been to my Obstetrician and I haven't had a pregnancy test or an ultrasound. The only thing I have is a Log-in-Date and faith that in aproximately 9 months we will see a photograph of a baby girl in China that will be our daughter.

Before I go to sleep every night, I pray that this won't be like all the times before when I was so close to parenthood only to have it stripped away. I hold my breath and hope that nothing will come in the way of us and our daughter.

I tell myself every single day that we're not just playing house and a baby girl, OUR baby girl, will soon occupy this room. Sooner or later it's bound to sink in.

Oh, and just for kicks, I park in the "Expecting Mother" parking spots at Babies-R-Us.